I talk too much

When I was younger (a common theme in my writing) I rarely spoke. I actually bothered people with my incessant silence. It was common for people who knew me really well to ask if I was alright because I hadn't spoken in several hours.
When I was lucky enough to make friends I learned (through trial and error) that its common for people to speak to one another. Having spent so much time observing everything else, I had somehow not managed to notice what people actually say to one another. I spent some time observing but found I had to pick up common phrases to assimilate. Eventually I learned that my new friends had picked up much of their language from media. I learned to do the same thing and managed to perpetuate that throughout my life. Here are the main television/movie/personality influences on my speech patterns. They've influenced so much about how I talk. From my word choice to my accompanied hand gestures, my inflection to my odd phrases - I owe the writing credit to other people.

George Carlin:
This cranky man was my first influence in the world of speech. Even before I started doing a lot of it myself, I learned most of what I know about cursing and sarcasm from this wonderful man. He brought into my life the shining light of caustic wit, the beautiful flower of creative insult and the gorgeous use of the word 'fuck.' I've read his books (some of my favorite and most inspirational when writing this blog) and I now own (thank you Perry) the majority of his stand up on dvd. He will forever be my hero and I still tear up when I think about the fact that he isn't with us anymore.

MST3K:
One of the first things my early friends introduced me to was this amazing show, and the often forgotten movie. When we weren't watching one of the following shows, or trying to catch some Skina-max  on my parents cable, we were watching Mystery Science 3000 the Movie for the dozenth time. Their unique ability to criticize and make fun of the terrible movies while still showing them a demented sort of homage is still impressive. The amazing one liners are incredibly well written. I can think of at least 10 right now without pondering too hard. Without fail, those lines show up in my every-day life, and I can't think of a better way to show my love.

Eddie Izzard: 
The first I heard about this interesting man was his HBO special "Dress to Kill." I caught it once and searched in vain (before the amazing advent of regular internet and search engines that will find anything) for it again. My friend and I ran around questioning everyone: "Cake or death!?" His amazing comedy is so worldly. References to history, the Bible, Star Wars and English movies are just some of the truly innovative subjects he compiles. Taking a comedic look at the arrival of the Pilgrims on American soil has changed my entire view on so many historic moments. I have always enjoyed history, but now I know that my ability to make simple moments dryly funny in my own head isn't so weird.

Disney:
The Disney movies from my youth were a bit different. I find a lot of things funny in most of the older movies, but that's just cause I look at them and see how ironic some it really was. What I learned from the Disney movies of my time was probably not what they meant for me to learn. Sarcastic comedy is probably the foremost, along with a bit of innovative word choice and a love of musical moments concerning intimate thoughts. Gaston really shouldn't have sang about how much better he was than everyone else, but they did agree with him. The Genie may have been out of his depth, but he sang about all of it. Simba couldn't wait to be king, and even if that did concern the death of his pa, he was excited about the prospect.
If you know me at all, you know its the sarcasm that really got me though. Ursula, in the Little Mermaid, really made a lot of points with aside remarks that were really quite sarcastic. Her entire villain song is a sarcastic retelling of what she really does. The Genie spends most of Aladdin joking around (when they're not using surprisingly large words for a cartoon) and trying, in vain, to be upbeat about the situation. While Carlin really was my first look at the beauty of sarcasm, Disney really put they're mark on me as well.

Clueless:
I know you think it's silly, but Clueless is a pretty awesome movie. If you've watched any of the behind the scenes stuff (which, really, who does that?) you'll remember that the writers spent the better part of a decade putting the information together for the script. While the storyline is incredibly simplistic, and the characters are only as fleshed out as is necessary, the writing is inspired. Better than that, the writing is inspiring. Most of the supposed Valley Girl phrases were from places nowhere near the Valley. Josh, the college student, has some cute witicisms himself. My favorite part, all of the phrases make a lot of sense and can be understood in just about any situation. The entire movie is quotable, and if you read my facebook you know it recently was lol.

Arrested Development:
This was a very short-lived show, on Fox I believe? Unfortunately I never caught it while it was on, but I own all three seasons on dvd. Someone who I once considered a very close friend introduced this to me, and I've been a huge fan since. While the characters are wholly unrealistic, the writing and of course directing, are superb. I may not have absorbed as much from this show as I have from some others, but it has left me with an interesting view on life. I can always be happy I'm not Gob. Or Buster. Or George Michael and in love with my cousin. Or Michael left to handle my insane family. Or...

Friends:
I guess this leaves us with the two most influential shows on my.... speech.
I wasn't a fan of Friends when everyone else was. Meaning, I never watched it on television during its 10 year run. Later, though, I found Friends. Say what you will about this show, but it made it 10 years and never had a bad season. There are maybe a handful of episodes that don't have at least five amazing lines or moments. All of the characters manage to evolve and still be themselves, that is hilarious in their own way. Chandler stays awkward and caustic. Self deprecation and pop culture references are his bread and butter. I related so well with Chandler that I even tend to make his facial expressions. The entire cast is superb and balances one another so well, and I've learned from them all.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
Yes its true. I'm a Whedonite. I've included phrasing and words from most of Whedon's works. Firefly is genius. Dr. Horrible is inspired. Angel even has a few great moments. More than anything else in my life, though, there's Buffy.
I've watched this show almost as many times as I've watched Friends. The problem is that Buffy really gets me. I cry 5 out of the 7 seasons. Whedon's unique writing skills (which his excellent staff of writers learned to assimilate) make up the majority of my expression. If its not Xander's stumbling witticisms, its probably going to be Faith's slang. Spike's sarcastic (whoa, more sarcasm!) come-backs are probably my favorite to relate, but they don't fit as well in normal scenarios. The whole cast is floating around in my head adding to most of my thoughts. I don't even consciously think about it anymore, its just there. Come to think of it, I need to watch it all again. I miss Giles...

And thus concludes my strange explanation on why I talk (and often write) the way I do.

The Black Keys make me swoon

Seriously, I love their sound.
Really though... I thought this would be a fun time to stop and discuss the following topic:
Things my female friends find sexually attractive in men:
(I just like talking about weird things)

The females of my acquaintance tend to discuss personal things, these are things I WON'T be sharing. What I do want to say is that they tend to like certain physical/personality traits in men.
My friends like men who can play instruments. They like band members, generally, but not always. They prefer men who play string instruments, especially if its a slightly different instrument. A banjo, or stand up bass is good. I wouldn't discount the basic guitar with a different sound though.
The girls tend to enjoy a man with facial hair. An excellent mustache will get you lots of points. A grizzly beard is preferred though. Especially if said furry man tends to eat cupcakes. I guess nice eyes would help too.
The women of my acquaintance enjoy men with nice hands. Nothing too girly, just hands that aren't disgusting or frightening. Please keep the disgusting and frightening hands away. From everyone. It's not difficult to wash your hands, they make videos for that.
I've noticed the ladies enjoy a distinguished nose. Small or un-interesting noses are not special. They want an inspiring nose. A well-shaped schnoz.
Although they probably won't admit it, my friends like men who wear plaid. I don't think its about the plaid specifically, but something about a man in plaid draws them. A man who is brave enough to wear several patterns of plaid is often desired.
More important than any of the rest, my friends want a geek. Nerdy or geeky men are hot. Men who know their comic book characters for example. Men who are into indie music. Men who can and do draw or take artsy pictures. A gentleman who will discuss the finer points of Super Nintendo. Give us a man who will dress up like a classic television character or gentlemen from centuries past. A man who will dress up.
I can't explain it, maybe its that nerdy men are more passionate.

Herein ends my blog about something so silly I don't think I've ever said it aloud.

More "me" than you need

I started blogging so I could express myself without spending any more of my boyfriends money and not freaking out on people. I suppose that doesn't help the reader much does it? While I am here as a way to say what I'm thinking, I suppose it helps if you know anything about me.
I moved around a LOT as a kid. I wasn't an army brat or anything, just the child of a single mother who married some guy, neither of which had any money. I was aware at an early age that people, happiness and enjoying simple things meant a hell of a lot more than those possessions I could acquire. I rarely asked for anything from my mother or even my adopted father because I was aware that we didn't have the money for me to spend on crap. When my father found a job, we followed it around for a while. This is how I found my way from Michigan to Florida. I'll admit its a lot easier being poor and proud in a warmer climate.
I had what I call my Hell year when I was fourteen. I've realized most people have these. While, as a child, I managed to deal with a lot of issues (my mothers recovering alcoholism, my distant adoptive father, my cousins rampant jealousy and the regular issues of never being able to keep a friend) this one year was way more than I had handled previously. My mother had adopted my cousin, Dawn, just before she turned 18. This is important information. My Hell arrived with the knowledge that my mother had Lupus. If you don't know, this is an immune disease that affects the body harshly and often give the affected only a handful of painful years to live. Later this same year several of our family animals died. That Christmas Eve my adopted sister was found dead in he apartment that she had shared with her fiancee. Within a few months my parents decided they were getting a divorce.
Relating this to typed media feels a lot like complaining. Listing my pains and issues appears, in my opinion, a way of getting attention. That's really not my aim. I think this really shows one of the many issues I've picked up over the years.
You see, I have a near pathological need to please people. I temper this little problem with a caustic attitude and an aloof bearing. Balance is good right? I am incredibly independant. This is a strange quality considering I don't think I could possibly live alone, I pine for lost friends and I rarely make enough money to fully support myself. Furthermore, I have an ever worsening fear of driving. No, not the fear of getting into an accident. I assume that'll happen one way or another. My fear is the driving, and getting lost. Driving on the highway fills me with angst. When I near my exit I shake with tension and have to control my breathing. I'm paranoid of getting off on the wrong exit.
My other terrible fear? Water. I'm so afraid of large bodies of water I often can't breathe when I think about it. When I was young I was fine with water. I swam alone in the deep end. I happily submerged myself and had no issue. As I grew up I developed this fear. It became worse and worse. Beginning, oh, around the time I was fourteen. Now, when asked to enter a pool, I stand rigid against the wall in the shallowest area and fight to control my breathing. I might add that, once again, the fear isn't of drowning. I'm not afraid of death in a pool or lake or ocean. I'm afraid of the water as an entity.
I've recently realized I also have a mild form of agoraphobia. I assume this has something to do with my original driving issue. I now have to thoroughly convince myself to leave the house. If offered a reason concerning another person (i.e. an errand or job or the like) I will happily hop in my car and head out. If its for me, its much more difficult.
I'm beginning to wonder what I'll develop next...
Is that enough about me to bore you yet? I can try harder next time.

"How to be a cat" old paper #1

I felt the need to take some of my old papers/essays I wrote in college and immortalize them here. Why? Because this is my blog and I'll damn well do what I please with it!!!
<If one is lucky enough to be born into this world as that glorious animal the cat, one must learn to conduct oneself appropriately. It takes many activities and much effort to be a good cat. A useful cat also has to have a good memory in order to hold grudges. Vindictiveness, slyness, and aloofness are all attitudes to be practiced. What follows is a guide to those cats who wish to perfect themselves further.
To be a perfect cat one must first find a competent master. Critical analysis is needed to make this important decision. It's best to find the one human in the house that one connects with most. Find the human who likes to pet or, most importantly, the one with the food. The human that feeds you is the one that knows how important you are. If one is an indoor c at, watch to see which human cleans your litter box; this is a good human to become friendly with. When one has chosen a master, keep good track of the items they use - these can be very important in the control of one's master. If the master lets the litter box get too dirty, it's helpful to urinate on the master's things to get their attention. They will thank you as soon as possible. Most humans shout with joy at these findings for they know that their cat was intelligent enough to remind them of their duty.
One's chosen master is usually the human to put down the food. A set schedule is best because the feline stomach is very sensitive. If the master can't keep this schedule do it for them. Wake them up when you get hungry by pouncing on them or biting their toes. Some longer haired cats might choose to lie on their master's faces in order to ensure their waking. When it comes to your choice of food, its better for one to be picky. If the brand of food is changed or you don't like the flavor, let the master know. The best way to do this is by regurgitating the food back up in a highly visible place. It's often a good idea to leave the regurgitated food on the way from the bathroom to the bedroom; this allows the master to step in it early in the morning. The master is allowed to rectify their error quickly. It is important to note that humans err often.
Some duties of perfection are particular to felines. For a cat there are the natural inclinations to clean, sleep and occasionally play. When it comes to being clean the most important factor is to find a comfortable place. The master's bed is a nice place to groom comfortably. If one really likes their master they might choose a pile of clean clothing, this allows extra fur to fall in a place where it will be best appreciated. Wherever you choose to groom be sure you can stay there fora  good length of time without being disturbed.
For sleep one should find a warm, comfortable place - the place where you groom would suffice. Good places to sleep include the master's bed, in a window, on the master's clean clothing, on a chair, and -if possible- a pile of clean towels in the closet. Sleep is very important for cats because felines are often busy trying to keep the master in line. Because sleep is so important it's also a good idea to find warm places to sleep. Taking a short nap on a piece of electrical equipment can be beneficial. If you don't mind the light, a place in the sun can allow for healthful sleep. Wherever you sleep, make sure to get plenty of it.
Playing is something one should only do occasionally to glean the maximum amount of cuteness from the situation. Playing with feathers, milk bottle rings, strings and pieces of lint make you look like a kitten again, and therefore extremely cute. Petting is one activity humans enjoy almost as much as a cat does. Humans enjoy this because it results in purring, this makes them feel loved. One must remember that the occurrence of petting is due to the mood of the cat. If you are not in the mood to be pet, let your master know by biting them; it would not do for you to leave and upset your placidity. Humans may not like being bitten but it lets them know who's in control.
One of the most important duties of a cat is to make the human feel loved. They allow the cat to control them because it makes them feel needed. This is not to say that cats are ever not in control, this is just the way humans see things. To make a human feel loved you must let them pet you when they're sad or upset. Humans are very weak and need comforting, and find purring consoling. When a human is bored and reading something lie in their way so they can pet you. If they have the book or paper lied out flat lie on top of it. Petting you was what they really wanted and you have now made them very happy. Humans can be very shy and aren't very likely to approach you themselves when they're unhappy. One way to reassure a human of your love is to allow them to smell your butt. Be sure to present it to them often when they're lying down. Another way is to leave the master a present of an animal you have conquered. Most humans store these in a special basket or tub of things that they like to keep. This is the same basket they store your dirty litter in. Humans often do incomprehensible things like this.
Many of the duties lied before a responsible cat can often seem arduous, but we must persevere. Cats have an appearance to be upheld and that appearance affects every cat. Cats stay in control because of this appearance. The way to uphold the appearance is to follow these steps. These are simple steps for a cat that many other creatures may find difficult. One must remember that the cat is in control and any question to that authority should be dealt with negatively and in a timely fashion.>

Halloween, the happiest month of the year

I LOVE the holiday Halloween. I love, just as equally, the season surrounding it. I've always enjoyed dressing up and even do so all year 'round. I work on costumes all year for conventions and such. For me, Halloween isn't just about the dressing up. It's the best time of year! I love the decorations and scary movies. I love all of the candy and the awesome colors. I think its the best season, that it gets all cool and smells fantastic. There really is no time of year that I enjoy more. When I lived in the north it was always wonderful watching the leaves change... I really miss that. Florida sucks for seasonal visuals.
This year I've really dived in. I can't afford to put up decorations, but I've done everything I can. I made Halloween themed cubees (Alien, Jack Skellington, Rod Serling, the Stay Puft Marshmallow man, and Frankensteins monster). I made brownies with orange and black sprinkles. My bf and I did a couple of themed photoshoots, to celebrate the best holiday in America. At Target, I found Franken Berry Fruit Roll-ups! To top it all off I made a list of movies that really fit the theme of the holiday. I picked from mine and my bf's movies the titles that were appropriate in my opinion. This is the list! The "*" notate those titles I've watched so far, so you have some idea of what I have left to watch by the end of next week! I think I'm going to be busy...



1.The Astronaut's Wife (terrible movie, but its in the mood)
2. The Audition (Incredibly creepy)
3. Blade (maybe I should get the rest of them)*
4. Bordello of Blood (I miss Dennis Miller)
5. The Brothers Grimm (surprisingly creepy)
6. Buffy the Vampire Slayer*
7. Clue (mysterious hijinks!)*
8. Conspiracy Theory*
9. The Craft (yay witches)*
10. Creepshow
11. Dawn of the Dead (zombies)
12. Death Proof
13. Demon Knight (Billy Zane!)
14. Devil's Advocate
15. Dracula (The Gary Oldman version)
16. Frighteners*
17. From Dusk Til' Dawn (vampires)
18. Ghostbusters (1 + 2)**
19. The Grudge*
20. House on Haunted Hill (I have the Geoffrey Rush version, but I should get the Vincent Price one too)
21. Land of the Dead (more zombies)
22. The Machinist (not "scary" but still in the mood)*
23. Mystery Science Theatre 3000 the Movie! (yay)
24. The Ninth Gate (one of my favorite movies ever)
25. Paranormal Activity*
26. Planet Terror
27. Queen of the Damned (more vampires)*
28. Resident Evil (1 + 2)**
29. The Ring*
30. Rocky Horror Picture Show
31. Scooby Doo (I'll need to find the second as well)*
32. Scream (I couldn't convince myself to buy the 2nd and 3rd)*
33. Se7en*
34. Shaun of the Dead (even more zombies)*
35. The Shining
36. Stir of Echoes*
37. 28 Days Later (even more zombies, I think we're just gonna have a zombie night)
38. Undwerworld (1 + 2)
39. Young Frankenstein*
40. Zombieland*
41. The Burbs*
42. The Mothman Prophecies*

My less than exciting blog

I was totally going to exercise today... but my list of stuff was super long. I had to run to the grocery store for brownie prep stuff. I ate lunch and defrosted chicken for dinner. Then I had to marinade the chicken. The whites were full so I did a load of laundry. My car suggested I give it oil, so I checked it and topped it off. I realized my resume wasn't precisely up to date (two years old) so I had to find a way to fix it considering my Word program was broken. I managed to find it on my bf's computer, mailed it to myself and voila! Resume for the job finding. As is fairly obvious, I started this blog. I'm about to start making brownies and before you know it, it'll be time to start dinner. I'm plum out of energy for exercising! Add to that a bothersome headache and a cough and I'm sure I have enough reason to be a complete bum.
While eating lunch (a can of spinach) I watched Clue! Followed by Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the movie) for the background while I did other stuff.
I should really put together a shopping list for this weekend. We're running low on a lot of stuff, and plum out of other stuff. I also still need to call and make an appointment with Dechoes *http://dechoes.shoprw.com/home.php* (<3 them). And of course... the ever lengthening search for a job. When I manage to whittle a to-do list down to the stuff I really hate doing, its time to finally do that shit.
Ok. Buffy's over, I need to start brownies and that ridiculous bass noise that has been plaguing the apartment for the past 2 hours has FINALLY stopped. Three cheers for aspirin.

The first?

I'm not a regular blogger. Here's to hoping I learn how to be!

So... I don't have a job right now... and its driving me crazy. I've been trying to keep myself busy, but its difficult when you don't have any money.
I tried learning origami... Thats a cheap and easy hobby right? I wound up making a BUNCH of the one thing I actually know how to make... boxes. Out of a Nintendo magazine. It was a good read!

In my search for online how-to guides for origami I found cubees... Have you ever played with cubees? It's like origami, but with more cutting. They even have a website!
I found some on Deviantart as well, so I made a bunch. We don't have a colored printer... so they're all in black and white. They seemed a bit more... boring that way. But I had a good time for about a week!

I went a little crazy actually... so I stopped.
I tried making lists, but then realized that not doing the stuff on my lists made me a wee bit depressed.
I thought getting into an exercise regiment would help, but it takes no real thought.
I'm tired of starting sentences with "I" and am very bad at blogging.

Eventually I found Hulu. I watch several shows a week, and have entirely caught up on the current cycle of America's Next Top Model.

Maybe next blog I can go over my Halloween movie list... this is my favorite holiday!!